Well...we leave for Guatemala tomorrow night. I can't say I'm completely ready, and I don't know if I ever could. There are so many emotions going on inside right now. I'm excited, but I'm anxious, I'm nervous, I'm sad to leave everyone behind, I'm skeptical, but I know that God will meet me there. I'm beginning to regret the decision to be gone for a month, it just seems like I'll be there forever. I'm afraid that relationships will develop at home without me, leaving me behind. I'm afraid that relationships won't develop at home, and therefore be broken. I'm afraid that relationships won't develop in Guatemala, and that it will all be a waste. Bottom line is, I'm afraid. I wish I would have just gotten a two week trip. All of these insecurities and fears are coming out because of the overwhelming sound of a month. 32 days. It's a long time.
One of my biggest flaws and problems is that I'm afraid to trust. Everything that's gone on in my family and in my life in general has made it hard for me to put faith in people, because I always expect them to disappoint me. Unfortunately, this has become a problem in my relationship with God. I know that He's God, the all loving all the time Savior, but nobody's perfect right?
This trip has already tested me greatly. I'm learning to trust that God will take care of me while I'm gone. So many people are praying for me, and counting on me to be a missionary for them, it's overwhelming. We've gotten so much support, and I couldn't be more thankful. One of the reasons I'm gaining any courage at all is because of the people behind me. Every time I begin to doubt, God shows up in some form, whether it be through people or nature, reminding me that He has it all under control. For that reason, I'm excited for this trip. I know that it's not going to be easy for me to be gone, but I also know that God is going to be there every step of the way. And He has a reason for me to be in Guatemala. He has a plan for me to grow there in a way that I would be too blind to see here.
So here's to adventure. Here's to learning. Here's to growing. Here's to trusting that God has it all under control.
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Keep trusting in Him...He will never disappoint you! Praise God for His faithfulness. We are praying for you both daily. Keep growing in Him...because it is an adventure that will be amazing!!!
ReplyDeleteAngela, I am so proud of you. And so proud you are facing your fears and insecurities. God is faithful, always. Not just sometimes. Not based on your faithfulness. Always. You are being used of God for God, and for HIS purposes. Keep your eyes focused on Him. Yes, you will be stretched. Yes, you will be scared. Yes, you will be blessed beyond what you can imagine. Go for it girl. Your friends, and I are behind you. I love you.
ReplyDeleteAngela, you can always trust God's heart. Every person on earth may fail you at some point but He never fails! A month is a long time - you may get homesick but I venture to say by the end of month there will be a part of you that will not want to leave. One of the best lessons I've learned in missions is "BE FLEXIBLE" its helpful for the rest of your life. Have a wonderful time! Love you all!
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